A lot of people are willing to go an extra mile just to gain respect from other people. To some, it’s not just a word, but something of great value that, heinous crimes are committed just so fear and respect are instilled in people.

Without respect, we can agree that we feel like we are at the bottom of the food chain, we feel powerless, and/or in other words, worthless. Respect goes a long way, from being the CEO of a great company to a class monitor at a primary school and all these people are known to be highly respected because of their status in the community at large.

Karma, as it is famously known, plays a huge role in what we long for, which is gaining respect from other people. What do I mean by this? I mean that, if you want to be respected by people, you must learn and respect people as well, it’s not a one side thing.

You expect to be respected but this is how you live your life:

1. You gamble with your paycheck and forget about your family back home. You don’t take care about your needs first, your health, giving out charity.

2. You party hard, go to the Club all night and sleep during the day. You have no purpose, you actually chose to have no purpose because you think you live by the infamous motto, “You only live once, so live to the fullest”, but you forget about the consequences, the results of the life now, to the day of tomorrow.

3. You don’t care about Humanity, you don’t care about life in general and you expect others to have respect towards you, to treat you good.

You long to be loved, to be respected, to be cared for, to be important to the society, yet you do the complete opposite to the same society you expect to receive a huge amount of respect from.

How do you earn respect from people? A simple question with a few easy and simple answers too. You must start with the small steps or small things of course:

  • Be the first person in the room to greet people
  • Be the helping hand most of the times. Offer help and support to people who need it as they say, it goes a long way.
  • Give some space to people if they request of it and don’t engage yourself in other people’s business especially if you don’t want people to mingle in yours.

“Respect yourself and others will respect you.”

If you take a close look at some of the points I listed above, you will notice that they all have one main thing in common, which is being ‘good’. If you are good to people, most of the times the goodness you show to people always finds its way back to you, sooner or later.

We talked about karma before, in this case, good karma, that if you do good then surely good things comes back to you as it is with respect. Its safe to say that respect and being good, are to some extend one and the same thing.

You have to take one step at a time

Photo by @leemblueprint

We all want that brand new Lamborghini, that big house in a fancy neighborhood or that fancy position at work. We all want so many things in life that other people are willing to do anything and everything they can to get those things, to get what they dream of in life. Nothing good in life comes easy, so there is always a catch, there is always one thing people aren’t willing to do this, so as to achieve their goals and to get what they want, and that is being patient along the process, to take one step at a time on their journey to success.

Yes, some people were fortunate to be born into the life that other people desperately want, but that’s not always the case, well, for most of us anyway. You have to be willing to take the necessary steps in life to have what you desperately crave, the life of fortune, fame, or money. There are ‘steps’ as some would like to call it, or ‘levels’ or in other words, phases in life you have to go through to make it in life, as you recall what I wrote earlier that, nothing good in life comes easy.

What are these steps or phases we are talking about anyway? Well, for the first step, we have all covered it anyway, which is imagining or picturing ourselves living that lavish life, driving that nice car or whatever it is you are hoping to achieve in life. The next steps that follow aren’t always easy, but they are of course the most important steps.

Here are some of the steps/phases you have to go through, all the way to success:

1. Dreaming about life

You’re just laying in bed, probably looking at the ceiling and you start picturing yourself coming out of that Rolls-Royce or living in that lake-house, living life until you eventually fall asleep. We all have those moments when we just escape from the world for a little bit, just fantasizing or imagining a life that we wish we had, but the most painful thing is snapping back to reality and realizing that you are still on ground zero.

2. Putting your imagination on Paper

You have pictured it, you want it, you write your ideas down, a vision for what you want. You try to put those unclear thoughts into paper, to believe it, to convince yourself that you want it. This is the most important phase as it paves way for the road that you want to take, for the path to success. You scramble a few words on paper, you tear it down, you know what you want, you know what’s on your mind, but you can’t seem to put it in black and white, but eventually, with time, you do succeed in doing so. Creating schedules, setting up meetings, preparing your speeches, investing, and/or designing charts or lists to really see the bigger picture from the far corner of the room.

3. Executing the idea

Now that you have dreamed it, written it down, the next step is to execute the ideas or plans, break a sweat, go to work, sleepless nights. Again and again, you make a lot of sacrifices, you lose some friends along the way, you lose some money, bad investments, or you meet the right people who will help you move forward with your vision. You have to remember that not everyone wants to see you succeed, not everyone sees the world the way you do, so you have to be focused on this big step, you have to be willing to let go of the good to get the better. You have to remember that it is in this step, where one takes a huge leap of faith because not at all times, you are going to succeed right at the get-go, you will fall many times and you will keep getting up, fall again until you eventually reach that light at the end of the tunnel. In this crucial step, you have to be ready to face the world, for what the world might throw at you, you won’t like it. You have to be fully committed to everything to work out the way you want.

4. Patience or letting the universe do its magic

In this final step, after all the hard work or amount of energy you would have used on some of the things we talked about on the third step, you wait. What do I mean by ‘wait’? I simply mean that even though patience takes time, waiting for the result is one of the most painful parts of your journey to success. Good things come to those who wait, and even if they don’t at a certain time you were expecting them to happen, you have to be willing to wait for more. You have to remember that for you to get this far, you knew that this step was to come and you would have to be willing to wait.

A lot of people want an easy life, but don’t want to work for it, I mean who doesn’t? We always see a lot of questions on the internet on, ‘How to make it quick in life?’, but the reality of it all is that life is not what it seems, things just don’t magically happen, but you have to work for it and you have to understand that you have to go through many steps in life until you reach to the top. You can’t take the first step, fourth step, the fifth step, and forget about the second step and the third, you have to make sure you go through each phase, one step at a time.

Patience takes time…

Evans Charlsea


Why do you feel so lonely and sad?

I know you are probably thinking, you have all those people around you, at work, school, college, that you should not be feeling so lonely and/or sad. I know it’s frustrating, to be able to feel empty inside, nothing amuses you, no one really understands you, and that the world doesn’t really get you, who you are as a person. It’s sad to know that in a world full of people, billions of them, that you still feel lonely regardless.

Storytime, I remember a time when a person close to me passed away and I didn’t really have anyone else to talk to about it, considering my mother was also grieving and mourning and I didn’t want to add an extra load of worries on top of hers and I remember something someone said in an article, that if you are feeling down you should turn to someone close to you and try to talk to them about it, but in my case, I really didn’t have anyone in particular. Well, it’s all because of me being an introvert that I couldn’t just save myself from drowning in my own tears, that I couldn’t just talk to someone about it and as a result, it took a long time for me to be able to handle the sadness.

I started to joke about my sadness, trying to find humor where it isn’t which is not normal. I remember dating a girl and her asking me about my loss and of course I hadn’t told anyone else, well I thought, why not just tell her since it had been 3 years since the loss, to my surprise, I cried a lot and I didn’t know how emotional that made me and after the cuddles and talk, I felt a huge load of freedom from the load I had been carrying for almost three years, TALKING HELPS TOO. Why am I telling you this, you wonder, well it comes back to the main question, why do you feel so lonely and sad?

No one wants to be alone, to be left out in a world of billions. No one wants to feel like they are living on mars and they are seeing everybody else smile on earth, far away and here they are, living on an empty planet. Sadly for some people, it’s a choice, but for some, certain situations lead them to be in a state of loneliness. Some people are stuck with the notion that someone will come into their lives someday to save themselves from being alone and lonely, so they don’t bother talking to other people because of that idea. Mind you, talking to other people does not necessarily mean you have befriended them,
it could be your way of making yourself not feel lonely.

Why do you feel lonely, you ask yourself, well the answer to that question could be the fact that you are hanging out with the wrong people, who always make you doubt yourself and lead to you asking so many questions at times, dark answers. Most of the answers you get are often leading you to isolate yourself because you are wondering at the end of the day, “why bother?”

Some of the reasons you are lonely or feel lonely are because you are an introvert, yes! That’s one of the major reasons a majority of us feel lonely, because of the need to be in the corner of the room when everybody else is in the center living their lives expecting someone is going to come and save you. Having too many expectations in a friendship or relationship making some of those expectations too imaginative for anyone to meet them, is also a huge reason why you are feeling lonely and/or are lonely. Take it
down a notch, make things easy for those who surround you, and make things easy for yourself too, be a realist, at the end of the day, you are only human. Everything takes time, starting with a simple hi or hello to the person next to you. It all starts there and sure goes a long way after that.

It might sound cliche, but one of the reasons you feel lonely or might be lonely is because you spend too much time on your phone, you are constantly looking at, too good to be true, photos of people on social media, ergo, expecting the same to happen to you, forgetting that you should not believe everything you see on the internet. Switch off that phone and laptop for just a few minutes, come back to reality, ask yourself what is it that you really want, be positive-minded, they say you attract people who reflect the type of person you are on the inside, think about that for a minute
and then continue reading.

Anger is a manifestation of a deeper issue… and that, for me, is based on insecurity, self-esteem, and loneliness. -Naomi Campbell

Not every friendship or relation is all magical and happy, this is reality, you want that happiness from and in people then it should start from you, thus, the same people you are going to attract and you won’t be lonely at the end of the day.

You will lose some friends on the journey of finding yourself

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” – Walter Winchell

The choice one makes of leaving their past behind and turning a new leaf, often comes with a price. We live in a world where people prioritize the happiness of their friends over themselves, which doesn’t always turn out great. People put on a fake smile, they fake a laugh, fake an emotion just so they can be wrapped around the arms of those who surround them, so as to fit in.

The moment a person makes a decision to improve their lifestyle or change themselves to become a better person, just know, that person has already lost a friend or two because of that decision, it’s a fact.

People are different, to be friends with someone it means, you both have some things in common, sometimes not many things, but a few so once you make a decision to change, to make yourself better, it means those small things that bonded you and your friend will be lost in the air, ergo, the friendship also fades away leaving nothing but a memory. It’s not always easy to go through the journey of finding yourself because on that road, you will meet some people and you will lose some.

Imagine having those moments of laughter, craziness, those sleepless nights playing games or doing each other’s hair, listening to the radio at 4 o’clock in the morning, imagining those moments suddenly turning into memories and from memories into a once upon a time.

Imagine having had to go through that rough phase yourself, no one to share the moments with, no one to give you a push when you are falling on every step of the way, it’s hard to imagine, isn’t it? Well, many experience that, just because of the poor choice of so-called friendship. Some people are just there with you just to push their time because they simply don’t see you deserving of that ‘friendship’ title with them.

Nowadays there are social networks, and we have social media giants like Facebook for example, where someone adds you as a friend and once you start posting something they don’t like, they simply remove you as a friend, that’s how it is in real life to some extent. Those people you call friends will simply ghost you, they will stop talking to you, asking for you, they will simply erase themselves from your life, just because you don’t want to think like them, or to be on the same level as them anymore.

You have to understand that you matter, your mental health, your personal health matters, it comes first, and then friendship after that. This journey that you have decided to take is for you and you only, you are doing it for yourself and it’s not selfish to think of yourself for once, you simply matter. It hurts to see the people you thought of as friends living their lives and you think you are alone finding your path, but the simple truth is that, once the journey is over, you will meet more people who fit your caliber, who simply resonates at the same frequency as you, that’s just how life is.

Life is not what it seems, you have to sacrifice the good to get the better, remember that it’s not easy, but many have done it before and you can do it too.

Friendship is a beautiful commitment between you and those who understand you and vice-versa and if you are becoming someone you are not because you want to fit in, then those people you are trying to impress are not your friends. If you change yourself to become a better person, to become someone you are comfortable with and you see people appreciating that identity, then those people are the ones you should recognize as friends. The journey of finding yourself is never easy, but you have to be focused and be open-minded about the possible outcomes at the end of the journey.

Remember you are doing this for yourself, if not you, then who else is going to do it for you? No one and that’s correct.